In a move that Governor Mike Pence admits he had not anticipated, the McDonald’s restaurant chain announced today that they will no longer serve Christians in their Indiana locations. McDonald’s spokesman Ron McDee made the announcement from a drive-through window at the Gary, Indiana McDonald’s restaurant. “We haven’t quite figured out how we will be able to tell if they are Christians or not, but you can bet your sweet Jesus that we will be asking every guest if thy have been saved from this day on” McDee stated.
The move by McDonald’s is the first of its kind in the days following Gov. Pence’s signing of The Religious Freedom Restoration Act last week. While originally designed to provide legal protection for discrimination against the LGBT community, the new law will allow for many new forms of discrimination throughout the “Honest-to-Goodness” state.
Other business are seeing the profit potential in the new legislation. Indiana Walmart executives have apparently been discussing ways to benefit from the new law, with “We’ll Take Your Gay Money” promotional materials recently being leaked by an inside source on Instagram.
McDee indicated that “everything was on the table.” McDonald’s original plan was to just eliminate the popular “Filet o’ Fish” sandwich, which the franchise sells to Christians avoiding the meat of warm-blooded animals during their holy season of Lent.
McDonald’s corporate offices in Oak Brook, IL would not return our calls, but a representative from Walmart who requested anonymity was quoted as saying, “Hells yeah! We got this!”
Since GoDaddy has publicly denied that an outside agent was the cause of their network collapse on September 10th, there has been much speculation on what “a series of internal network events that corrupted router data tables” might actually mean. While there are several theories on what really happened, I’ve gotta believe it was a Linksys router needing to be reset. Happens to me all the time.