Indiana McDonalds Restaurants Announce That They Will No Longer Serve Christians

Posted: April 1, 2015 in Satire

Screen Shot 2015-04-01 at 1.15.55 PM

In a move that Governor Mike Pence admits he had not anticipated, the McDonald’s restaurant chain announced today that they will no longer serve Christians in their Indiana locations. McDonald’s spokesman Ron McDee made the announcement from a drive-through window at the Gary, Indiana McDonald’s restaurant. “We haven’t quite figured out how we will be able to tell if they are Christians or not, but you can bet your sweet Jesus that we will be asking every guest if thy have been saved from this day on” McDee stated.

The move by McDonald’s is the first of its kind in the days following Gov. Pence’s signing of The Religious Freedom Restoration Act last week. While originally designed to provide legal protection for discrimination against the LGBT community, the new law will allow for many new forms of discrimination throughout the “Honest-to-Goodness” state.

Other business are seeing the profit potential in the new legislation. Indiana Walmart executives have apparently been discussing ways to benefit from the new law, with “We’ll Take Your Gay Money” promotional materials recently being leaked by an inside source on Instagram.

McDee indicated that “everything was on the table.” McDonald’s original plan was to just eliminate the popular “Filet o’ Fish” sandwich, which the franchise sells to Christians avoiding the meat of warm-blooded animals during their holy season of Lent.

McDonald’s corporate offices in Oak Brook, IL would not return our calls, but a representative from Walmart who requested anonymity was quoted as saying, “Hells yeah! We got this!”


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s